Relationships During Calving Season

I grew up watching my parents raise cattle together, and I learned that I would never want to do it alone. I’m so grateful I met someone that has the same passion for cattle as I do. My fiancé is the muscle when we need to move calves around or when a disgruntled momma cow decides to cause a problem. But more than that, he’s my support system and shoulder to cry on when things go wrong. Wyatt and I have a great relationship, but that doesn’t mean that the stress of calving season hasn’t caused unwanted tension and even some screaming matches and tears. Nothing can build or break down a relationship like owning livestock and to ensure that calving doesn’t get the best of you, it’s important to keep some things in mind as you work through this time of year. 

Don’t Play the Blame Game

When things go wrong during calving, it’s easy to play the blame game. It can quickly become a conversation of, “You were the one who chose the bull”, or “You insisted we keep that heifer.” It can be a toxic circle to get stuck in and can open the door to very hurtful words. You can’t change what has already happened, and you aren’t going to make things better by trying to blame someone for something that has already happened. 

It is a Team Effort

I grew up watching my parents raise cattle, year after year of calving seasons that came and went. The most important thing I learned from them is that calving season is a team effort. Every time dad called the house to say a cow was having trouble, my mom would get the chains and handles ready and head out to find my dad. On the days that never seemed to end, when my dad was stuck in the dark feeding, my mom would get the cattle in that might calve during the night. No matter what happened, it was always my mom and my dad, splitting up evening checks, riding the 4-wheeler out to tag calves, and working through hard years together. At the beginning of time, God decided no man should be alone.

“Then the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable to him.”

Genesis 2:18

As women, we are called to be a help mate to our husbands. And despite the lies that society tries to tell us, being a helpmate to our husband is one of the most honorable things we can do as women. The best relationship advice I received from my mom, was getting to watch firsthand how she lived out her life as a helpmate to my dad. It gave me a standard to live and work towards and showed me one of the most influential ways to honor my future husband.

He’s Having a Hard Time Too

As women, I believe we have a soft spot for every cow that has trouble. We see her lose her calf and our heart goes out as we sit and watch her bawl at the fence. And as we have a deep sadness hung on our heart, our man goes on as if nothing has happened. It’s easy to believe that he doesn’t care that you’re hurting, especially when the first words out of his mouth are something practical. That’s why it’s not only important to slow him down and be very clear about needing to be comforted, but it’s also important to realize that he has a different way of grieving. For Wyatt, it’s a combination of practicality and anger, and as you can imagine, that has caused some hurt feelings for both of us. What I’ve had to learn is that he feels the loss just as much as I do, even if he shows it differently.

Most Importantly, Lots of Grace

With all those fights we’ve had, the most important thing we’ve had to come back to is grace. God is very clear about grace and forgiveness.

“Instead, be kind and affectionate towards one another. Has God graciously forgiven you? Then graciously forgive one another in the depths of Christ’s love.”

Ephesians 4:32

One of the things that I think about when I have a hard time with forgiveness, is how deep God’s grace is for me. When I think of everything I’ve done wrong, it can be so hard to understand how a perfect God could forgive me. Remembering that makes it easier to have grace towards each other. It also makes it easier to have the humility to ask for forgiveness.

Calving season is hard. Wyatt and I have gotten to experience that firsthand over the past couple of weeks. Sometimes I can’t help but ask God why it’s been so hard. Thankfully, I found a man who decided to look at it from a different perspective. Young couples don’t often get the opportunity to go through trials before they get married. They stand up on their wedding day and vow “for better or for worse”, but don’t actually get to find out what that means till later in their marriage. For Wyatt and I, this experience has tested our relationship and helped us learn how to handle the hard times together, and more importantly, it’s taught us how to rely on God for strength. Calving doesn’t have to break down your relationship, I hope you instead see it as an opportunity to build your relationship with each other, and with God.